Humor – Dam Fish

•October 4, 2016 • Comments Off on Humor – Dam Fish

A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers’ attention, he is yelling, “Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!”

A pastor hears this and asks, “Why are you calling them ‘dam fish.'”

The boy responds, “Because I caught these fish at the local dam.”

The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, “I didn’t know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way.” He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish.

He responds, “That’s the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!”

See more at: http://www.laughfactory.com

Dear Cthulhu

•October 3, 2016 • Comments Off on Dear Cthulhu

Dear Cthulhu,

I’ve spent many hours in deep thought over your latest communication. The nuance displayed was frankly astounding and I thank you so much for that gift. It reminds me how little we use the talents given to us, how lazy we can be in our expression and that creativity really should be cultivated regularly.

After my day yesterday, I had expected you to leverage the spider theme and present me with something truly terrifying. I am not at all disappointed that you did not and it is not to my credit that my expectation was really something so basic and uninspired. My apologies, you are far greater and wiser than I.

That we began in a garden, surrounded by everything normal and simple that you would find in any large garden in the world was just so peaceful – I remember thinking that it would be the perfect spot for a lazy afternoon nap.

Then to catch the glimpse of a hedge maze close by, far too tempting to pass up. To hold your hand as we slowly strolled through, while you pointed out all of the features of the maze; the fountains, variety of plants and the beautiful singing blossoms at every dead end that were, in fact, tiny disembodied baby faces, crying softly – Odd that I hadn’t thought until now that there must have been a reason they were crying.

I must confess that while the maze was indeed my favorite part, that the ending, where we exited the maze in a shower of petals and tears, was quite beautiful. And that the tears turned to ladybugs when they touched me was just the right balance of awe and creepy – all those legs and fluttering wings… I will treasure this one for many years to come.

Alchemy n 1. A power or process for transforming something common into something special. 2. The consequence of your tutelage. 3. What brings us together, keeps us together, joins us for life.

I hope this note finds you in comfort and good health!

Your Devoted Servant,

O

When did you last sing out loud?

•July 7, 2016 • Comments Off on When did you last sing out loud?

This is a tough one, not because it’s a rarity, I do it all the time and often without realizing I’m doing it. The last deliberate singing was a few days ago when I quietly sang Drive Me Wild by Vanity 6 after a failed attempt at donating blood – poor lighting, bad stick, digging around in my vein equaled an over stimulated vagus nerve.

Ugh right?! Let me explain, when I was 12 or 13 I spent a lot of time in the hospital have blood drawn, which not only hurts but it also makes me pretty woozy. I got into the habit of reciting poems and songs to distract myself. Vanity 6’s album conveniently came out around this time and happened to have fairly easy lyrics and to this day it’s one of the songs that pops into my head whenever I need to check out for a little bit.

The brain is an amazing thing, as well as the vagus nerve but in a ‘Geesh, why me?!’ kinda way.

 

July Haiku

•July 6, 2016 • Comments Off on July Haiku

We are in July!

How are those resolutions?

Only six months left…

 

July- Yay ice cream!

So many flavors to try

I can’t pick just one
Pandemonium

Embrace the unexpected

Do something crazy!
Productivity

Maximizing your time for

What?! Who?! Enjoy life!

 

Summer in Phoenix

Bake some cookies your car!

Why do we live here?!

Blondes and Airplanes

•July 5, 2016 • Comments Off on Blondes and Airplanes

There was once a blonde woman on a plane to Detroit. She was in the economy class, but after takeoff, she saw an empty seat in first class and moved there.

An attendant saw her and said, “Excuse me, ma’am, but you have a ticket for economy class, not first. You cannot stay here.”

The blonde replied, “I can and I will.”

The attendant told the copilot, who came and talked to the woman. “Ma’am, we really can’t have you staying in this seat, your ticket was for economy.”

“You can’t make me move.”

The copilot told the captain, who tried to talk her out of the seat but it didn’t work. Finally, a man who had heard what had been going on told the attendant to let him have a go at getting the woman out of the seat because he was married to a blonde too, so he knew how to deal with her. After a quick chat with her, she moved. The shocked attendant asked him how he did it.

The man replied, “I told her first class wasn’t going to Detroit.”

 
http://www.laughfactory.com/

 

 
%d bloggers like this: