Peevish – Top 10 Driving Peeves
Top 10 Driving Peeves
1.The Must Get Into The Left Lane NOW So I Can Go Slower Than Everyone Else Driver
Where are these people from?! What kind of madness causes human beings to barge their way across 3 lanes of traffic all going at normal speeds to then settle into the far left lane going 10 miles UNDER the speed limit? They receive extra idiot points from me when there isn’t actually any cars in the lanes to the right.
2.The Stop Sign? What Stop Sign? Driver
I see these in every shopping center around me. No ma’am the stop sign wasn’t for you, I realize that your Mercedes comes with a pass on all traffic rules. The perils of living in a no-fault on private property state, I suppose.
Occasionally I will encounter one of these out in the wild and am always amazed at how the do not seem to understand that there are rules…like coming to a stop for instance and looking both ways before you slide into the intersection.
3.The Texting While on Your @ss Driver
A few years ago I was in middle lane, stuck in super slow traffic when I noticed a car merge into the lane just behind me. The gentleman was simultaneously trying to check the lane to our left, read a very important text and get as close to my bumper as possible.
He swung into that left lane just in time to get the side of his car completely redecorated by the van he almost collided with.
4.The Texting While Swerving All Over the Damn Highway Driver
Just like most drunks, habitual texters must really believe they have magical driving powers that will keep them safe. If you believe this – YOU DO NOT! The roads are not completely straight, your tires are likely not evenly worn and you probably need a realignment. This means your car is going to go all over the place once you stop paying attention.
What’s sad is that I see more of these now than I ever did of drunk drivers.
5.The Itsy Bitsy Spider Singing Driver
In an honestly pretty amusing exception to the above, one morning I found myself behind a swerving SUV, I cautiously pulled in the left lane to pass and as I got closer I recognized the hand gestures being used. Here was a mom, probably driving her wee ones to daycare, on the highway, going 70 miles an hour, while singing along to Itsy Bitsy Spider. Not a bad thing UNLESS you choose to do so while looking at your children in the rear view and doing all the little hand gestures – with BOTH hands.
Not like you need to look or hold onto the steering wheel while driving, right?!
6.The Having a Complete Meltdown Driver
I think there should be an update to the HURT acronym of when to avoid getting into arguments. It should really be HURT’D. No arguing when you’re driving and when I say arguing I mean red faced screaming into your phone while pounding on the dash and almost running into everyone around you.
Pull over, take a breath and get it over with before you get back on the road.
7.The What’s a Merge Lane? Driver
This one is right up there with #1. Just about every morning I encounter at least one driver that does not understand what the merge lane is for. Sometimes they decide they must cut someone off at the tail of the lane even though no one is in front of them for 100’s of feet, sometimes it’s the douche in the lane you’re merging into who decides that even though you have the right of way (because you’re ahead of them) that they must get all the way up against the driver in front of them so that you can’t possibly get in front of them or my favorite…
8.The Stopped in the Middle of the Road Driver
Maybe they were afraid to nudge into the merge lane, or to risk crossing on a red light, have to finish that text or get flustered and just decide the can’t possible go on. Parking your car in the middle of the lane, at an intersection or (seriously) IN the intersection is just the rudest thing possible. Go with the tide people!
9.The in the Wrong Lane Everyone Must Stop for Me Driver
Let’s say your driving along in the middle lane and you realize you need to turn at the next intersection. Do you –
•Put of your turn signal and merge as soon as possible.
•Hit the gas and try to pass all those suckers beside you before swerving into the lane just barely make your turn.
•Lalalalalalalalalalalala until you reach your turn, slam on your breaks and start trying to merge.
10.The Pass You, Cut You Off, Slam on the Brakes Driver.
I consider myself blessed that I’ve only encountered one of these in the wild. I’m on the highway in the evening, heading home after a long day when I realize I’ve got a car right on my rear so close I can’t even see his bumper. Normally I’d move to the right and let them pass me but on this occasion the lane to the right was at a stop. (Probably for #8 or #9) The genius behind me decides to swing into the HOV lane, then swing right back in front of me and promptly slam on his brakes, no doubt to teach me that leaving two-three car lengths in front of me open when I have a stopped wall of traffic to the right and an HOV lane to the left while maintaining a normal rate of speed was totally ruining his day. Totally!