It’s been forever it seems since we met for the first time. Lately I often think about all the time that’s past and wonder how we ended up here. Not that it surprises me, I’ve never been the one to go all in and you’ve always been the better bluffer. Still though, a good part of me thought that waiting patiently would make all of the difference.
I know now that it’s not the case, loving someone doesn’t make them love you.
It’s been so easy though to hold on to that maybe. So much a part of how I lived that it’s become a part of me, something I treasure. Now, facing letting it go seems just well impossible though I know it’s so necessary.
I think back to when we were closer, back to when possibilities were there. Could you tell that I was terrified? Did you know that I’d already had you in my heart? Every time I’d see you it just seemed like the words never came out right. But then I made mistake after mistake and we drifted apart.
Years before then we’d stood together just chatting about nothing, going over our weekends and you stopped me mid airy I-wish-I-would sentence to say that I can and that I should. And as you walked away all I could think of was that it should have been you all along.
And even further back, when we’d just casually chat about the day, you were so easy to talk to and so much fun to be around and even made some of the most stressful days seem not so bad at all. You were so often the bright spot of my day.
I wish that I’d told you the truth, always, and never hidden or explained away all of those things – good and bad. I wish that every day I’d done something more to show you how much I cared. And I so wish that I hadn’t let this entire time pass without telling you even once how important you’ve been.
After all this time, you’re still that guy, the one I want to tell everything to, the one who can make me blush just by being near, the one that I look forward to seeing and regret not seeing every day. I imagine that you always will be.