Passive Aggressive Men – Signs/Symptoms

Disclaimer: While I’ve personally dated this one once or twice in the past, I don’t believe that anyone is immune to some PA traits especially under duress. That may even be ok, if you’re aware of it. This list does give some indication as to the motivations behind these potentially negative habits so it’s worth checking yourself against.

Fear of Dependency: He is unsure about his autonomy and afraid of being alone. This causes him to fight against his dependency needs; usually by trying to control you.

Fear of Intimacy: He is guarded, mistrustful and reluctant to show his emotional fragility. Often out of touch with his own feelings and will reflexively deny any feeling that he thinks will trap, reveal or place him in a vulnerable position. He will pick fights to create distance.

Fear of Competition: He feels inadequate and unable to compete with other men. He may operate as a self-sabotaging wimp with a pattern of failure or he will be a tyrant, setting himself up as unassailable and perfect  to eliminate any threat to his power.

Obstructionism: Just tell a Passive/Aggressive man what you want and, if you’re lucky, and he may agree to do it for you but don’t say when – he’ll do it deliberately slow just to frustrate you. More likely he will not even comply at all; he’ll stall or rationalize to block any real progress if he sees the request as you getting your way.

Fostering Chaos: Just when you think things are operating smoothly and you have a handle on the relationship he’ll upend something. A Passive/Aggressive man prefers to leave the puzzle incomplete.

Feeling Victimized: The Passive/Aggressive man protests that others unfairly accuse him rather than owning up to his own misdeeds. To remain above reproach, he sets himself up as the apparently hapless and innocent victim of the world’s excessive demands and tirades.

Making Excuses and Lying: The Passive/Aggressive man reaches as far as he can to fabricate excuses for not fulfilling promises. As a way of withholding information, affirmation or love, to have power over you, the Passive/Aggressive man may chose to make up a story rather than give you a straight answer.

Procrastination: The Passive/Aggressive man has an odd sense of time; he truly believes that deadlines don’t exist for him.

Chronic Lateness and Forgetfulness: One of the most infuriating and inconsiderate of all Passive/Aggressive traits is his inability to arrive on time. By keeping you waiting, he sets the ground rules of the relationship. His selective forgetting? That’s reserved for when he really wants to avoid an obligation or any sense that you control him.

Ambiguity: This man is the MASTER of mixed messages and fence sitting. When you ask a question you will never get a direct response. Even when you think you got an answer you may still walk away wondering if he actually said yes or no.  

 Sulking: Feeling put upon when he is unable to live up to his promises or obligations, the Passive/Aggressive man retreats from any pressures by sulking, pouting and/or withdrawing.  

~ by Oden on August 12, 2009.

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