Spammy – Mr Frank wants to share

•January 10, 2017 • Comments Off on Spammy – Mr Frank wants to share

Dear Friend,

This letter is not intended to cause you any embarrassment in whatever form, rather it is intended to contact your esteemed self. Firstly, I must solicit your confidentiality. I know that a proposal of this magnitude will make anyone apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that it is made in good faith and will be of mutual benefit.

The desire to not cause me embarrassment through a scam solicitation completely puzzles me – Why would I be the one embarrassed? Shouldn’t that be the writer?

I am Mr. Albert Frank, The Personal attorney to Mr. Jim Cruz, a consultant with an oil firm here in Nigeria. On the 25th of January 2005, my client and his wife were involved in an auto crash accident along Washita-Minna Express Road. Unfortunately, they lost their lives in the event of the accident, since then I have made several contacts as to locate any of his extended relatives, but all proved abortive. Hence, I decided to contact you.

Interesting that in the UK you do actually have 12 years from the date of death to file a claim against an estate but here in the US it can be as little as 3 months.

Even more interesting is reading up on road conditions in Nigeria; it’s more likely that you’ll get stuck for days on a road than it is to get into a crash.

Ok back to the story… dead rich people, no relatives, got it…

I am contacting you to assist in retrieving the money valued at US$22.5 million dollars that was left behind by my client with the Spring Bank of Nigeria plc., before it gets confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank.

Unserviceable? That’s not a term I’d use with money, unless it’s like confederate dollars?!

Consequently, the bank issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have the account confiscated within the next ten official working days. since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 3 years now, I hereby seek your consent to act as the next of kin to the deceased, the proceeds of this account valued at (US$22.5 million dollars) can be paid to you and then you and I can share the money. I have all the necessary legal documents that can be used to back up this project.

Of course, you do!

My suggestion to you is that, I will like you as a foreigner to stand as the next of kin/beneficiary to the fund deposited by my late client so that the proceeds valued at US$22.5 million dollars will be paid to you. Please endeavor to observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning this issue. Once the funds have been transferred to your nominated bank account, which you shall send to the bank, we shall share in the ratio of 50% for you, and 50% for me. I have worked out a procedure that will ensure success, and as a lawyer, I will ensure that all our actions are within the confines of the law.
I wonder if anyone has ever responded to one of these demanding a different split?
Should you be interested please, furnish me with your most direct tel and cell phone numbers for oral conversation after which I will provide you with more details of this transaction and how to proceed.
Oral conversation? As opposed to…interpretative dance? Smoke signals? Morse code?

Yours sincerely,

Mr. Albert Frank

Posted in Funny or Not, Spam Spam Spam
Tags: ,

What is your best memory of last year?

•January 5, 2017 • Comments Off on What is your best memory of last year?

What is your best memory of last year? 


I have a lot of great memories to look back on but my favorite has to be a moment my father and I had at a Starbucks drive through in December. My father was driving and after we ordered I handed him my phone to pay for our drinks – naturally, I wanted the points – when I insisted he use it he simply stated “stubborn” and that was that.

Not much I know but three weeks later it still makes me giggle.

Posted in Question Time
Tags:

January 2017 Haiku

•January 4, 2017 • Comments Off on January 2017 Haiku

January, the
month of creativity,
setting goals and soup.

Frolicking in snow
Sounds like fun but I prefer
Frolicking in sun.

It’s odd that Creampuff
And Weigh-in Day are the same.
A coincidence?

We should consider
If opposite is better
Than being the same.

If organizing
Is the right natural state
Why aren’t we always?

Posted in Haiku, Writing
Tags: , , , ,

Holmes and Watson go Camping

•January 3, 2017 • Comments Off on Holmes and Watson go Camping

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.”

“What does that tell you?”

Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?”

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. “It tells me that someone has stolen our tent.”

http://www.laughfactory.com/

Posted in Funny or Not
Tags: ,

Question – Who do you look up to?

•October 13, 2016 • Comments Off on Question – Who do you look up to?

Who do you look up to?

So many people! I mean too many to count, really. Historical figures like Ada Lovelace and Edith Wharton, family members, friends, and colleagues. I’ve been told more than once that I to easily find positives in people and I will unapologetically state that it’s absolutely true.

Ada Lovelace and Edith Wharton both defied convention, family obligations, expectations to create lives that were entirely their own. Growing up in a restrictive household, I looked up to both women and often wondered how exactly they broke free. Here’s a talk I did on Ada a few years ago, it pretty clearly and in under 5 minutes outlines why I look up to her – Intro for Ignite Phoenix #13.

When it comes to people I actually know, I think that they all have one quality in common – boldness. I look at the family and friends that I cherish the most and all of them have an area in life where if they aren’t entirely fearless they are at the very least decisive and readily take chances and overcome challenges. I feel so lucky to be surrounded by so many bad ass women.

Posted in Question Time
Tags: ,

« Previous Entries
Next Entries »
 
%d bloggers like this: